me vs. therapy

‘well that’s really good to hear.’

‘yeah, i’m happy.’

‘and you’re getting along well?’

‘oh yeah. well, i mean we’re alike in a lot of ways but also different. so it’s calm but exciting.’

‘i’d like to ask how you’re different.’

‘ok.’

‘you’re waiting for me to form it into a question aren’t you?’

‘yes.’

Sigh. ‘you’re like a drain. so, how are you and she different?’

‘well, i’m an aries. we have big horns and like to run around and bash them into things.’

‘ok.’

‘she’s a crab. she kinda hangs out in her shell and watches stuff, then thinks about it a lot.’

‘so…’

‘so, i hope i don’t accidently step on her shell while i’m running around bashing things with my horns.’

‘that sounds like a healthy attitude.’

‘i’m pretty sure you’re being sarcastic.’

‘that’s not true nor in my nature.’

‘i think you’re bullshitting me.’

Therapist smiles, says; ‘i think you’re right. aside from your ridiculous zodiac comparison i’d have to say the things you’ve told me about her sound promising as far as a match with you goes.’

‘how so?’

‘well, for instance she’s thoughtful and patient and prudent. she seems to plan, be objective and sincere.’

‘yeah?’

‘all the things you are not. if she finds you fulfilling enough and sticks around her traits will nicely compliment yours.’

‘what are my traits?’

‘i think you already know.’

‘yeah, but i want to know what you think.’

‘if you insist. which you will until i tell you, so i’ll go ahead and tell you. you’re brash, forward, blunt, combative, contradictory and crass.’

‘what about quick witted, charming, warm, disarming and loyal?’

‘those too. but you’re so good at tooting your own horn doing it for you would be overkill.’

‘do i really toot my own horn?’

‘like you live in new york city.’

‘really?’

‘no.’

‘really?’

‘what can i say that will get you to not say really again?’

‘uh.’

‘right. moving right along, i hope this works out for you and in my opinion it sounds like it will as long as you don’t fall into your old pattern of being fearful and then screw everything up.’

‘thanks.’

‘anytime. what else would you like to talk about?’

‘i bought a new lego project!’

‘what else would you like to talk about?’

‘you don’t want to talk about my legos?’

‘no.’

‘fine. it just brings me happiness but whatever i guess that doesn’t matter.’

‘it doesn't. how was the hurricane for you?’

‘oh, cool. it was my very first. though, i think it was just a tropical storm when it hit.’

‘any damage?’

‘my bathroom window became a waterfall, but other than that, no. what about you?’

‘i lost my 15-year old cat, noodle, to a downed tree.’

‘your cats name is noodle?’

‘was noodle.’

‘i’m sorry. great name though.’

‘thank you. i know that sympathy is hard to come by in your world.’

‘it’s not natural, but i emulate what i see other people do.’

‘well done. so, our time is up. i’m happy to see you moving down this new path.’

‘me too.’

‘don’t bash those horns into too many things, you could get a headache.’

‘it’s ok, i feel spayed. it should be easy to stand around and munch stuff instead.’

Therapist rolls eyes.

Smile.