me vs. therapy

‘ohhh, yes. i’ve been much happier.’

‘you believe the birth control was affecting your mood?’

‘uhhh, yeah!! that thing was the devil pill.’

Hear throat clearing. Look over at satan. Satan frowns.

Make sorry gesture. Look back at therapist. Therapist says; ‘there are studies that implicate the use of oral contraceptives in a variety of health problems.’

‘yeah, no shit. it made me tired all the time too.’

‘umm, that could just be your all-encompassing boredom with rhode island.’

‘…and my job.’

‘and your job.’

‘so, now i’m done and although that increases my risk of pregnancy, i’m quite happy to be rid of it.’

‘you don’t sleep with men.’

‘so.’

‘that kind of negates the risk of pregnancy on its own.’

‘yeah, well...i could sleep with one if i wanted to.’

‘i find it interesting how every other month you think you want to, then change your mind as soon as a boy comes after you. how’s everything else?’

‘a donkey likes me.’

‘really? that’s interesting.’

‘interesting because it’s rare or interesting, tell me more?’

‘tell me more….well, and it’s rare.’

‘she likes me. i don’t like her. the usual.’

‘how do you know she likes you, did she tell you?’

‘no. but the actions are pretty easy to read. take the other night for example….’

‘ok, what about the other night?’

‘i’m sitting in bed, watching my Lost. i get a picture mail of a lighthouse.’

‘uh-huh….’

‘and there’s a text along with it that says; “i had the day off, went for a long walk and found this beautiful lighthouse.”

‘ok. so…’

‘so…lighthouse’s aren’t beautiful. lighthouses are utilitarian. at most, they could be described as neat. like, “hey, look at that lighthouse, that’s pretty neat!’ NOT…’wow, i’m transfixed by the beauty of that lighthouse. the shiny thing on top reminds me of your sparklie eyes…let’s kiss!”

‘she didn’t say that, did she?’

‘might as well have. it’s almost as bad as the Go Sleepies donkey.’

‘i don’t remember a Go Sleepies donkey…’

‘really? i thought i told you.’

‘uh, no. i’d remember or at least have it in my notes. which….i don’t. do tell.’

‘i was staying the night with Go Sleepies. i was really tired cause we’d been out at the bar. i’m in her bed trying to sleep, my eyes are closed i’m about to start snoring when her big, fat head leans over me and says; “are you sleeping?”

‘knowing your personality, i bet that irritated you.'

‘uhh, yeah and it gets better.’

‘continue.’

‘so, i open my eyes and there’s her nostrils hovering over my face. i frown and say; “umm, almost. thanks.” and that’s when she drags her god damn hand down my face and at the same time breaths out in what i think she thinks i would think is some kind of sexy voice….”go sleepies”.

‘yikes.’

‘right?!?’

‘i hope you left.’

‘believe me i wanted to. but i was pretty much frozen cold with creep so i lurched onto my side and hugged myself all night. as soon as the sun rose, i was out of there.’

‘nice story.’

‘she was a pot smoker.’

‘uh-huh.’

‘and a wine drinker.’

‘maybe she was on birth control.’

‘hmmm, good point. anyway, that’s about it for new stuff.’

‘great. that was fun. and…you sound a lot livelier. i’m glad you’re off the pills.’

‘i have some left, think i can get anything for them on the street?’

‘i really don’t think so, but it would be great to hear your story after you get arrested for trying to do it.’

‘hmmm. yeah, you’re probably right.’

‘always am.’

‘see you next week, shrink!’

‘bye, angela.’