me vs. therapy

'what's with the lip ring?'

'i put it back in.'

'yes, i see that. why?'

'you don't like it?'

'not really.'

'well, who cares what you think?'

'a few crazy people. but other than that, no one. what's new?'

'i'm starting to realize something.'

'being a cubs fan is always going to prove disappointing?'

'no.'

'sitting on an angle with only one butt cheek touching the bar toilet seat because you're too drunk to squat really isn't half as clean as you'd like to think it is?'

'no.'

'the joke you told me when you first sat down about an epileptic in the bath tub is really not funny?'

'no. what i'm starting to realize is that i'm my own problem.'

'please continue, this could be fascinating.'

'well, i've realized i need to take ownership of what is happening in my life. i make choices. i need to own up to them when they don't pan out to be very good ones.'

'instead of blaming something or someone else?'

'yeah.'

'well that's nice.'

'what's nice?'

'that you are taking responsibility for your lot in life. what brought you to this...umm, realization?'

'lots of time to think.'

'and lots of mistakes?'

'yeah, kinda.'

'well, that's often the best way to learn something.'

'do you really think the epileptic joke wasn't funny?'

'angela, what about me in all the years you've known me would make you think i'd laugh at a joke about a neurological disorder?'

'because it was funny.'

'it wasn't.'

'fine. whatever. so i have a pub crawl with the lesbians tomorrow.'

'you don't like beer.'

'no. i don't'

'how are you going to participate in a pub crawl if you're not drinking?'

'i'm drinking. just not beer.'

'are you going to have a martini at each stop?'

'yeah. i think i'll be good until bar number 6.'

'i think you're giving yourself too much credit and i hope you find a designated driver...or sleep in a bush outside the last bar.'

'i think i've been practicing alcoholism for several months now and i'm all trained up.'

'ok angela. suit yourself. but when you're hovering over a bar toilet with one butt cheek touching the seat - and you will be - remember this...you're soaking up germs.'

'thanks a lot.'

'you're welcome.'