me vs. therapy

'apparently, i only date good looking people.'

'do you think that's true?'

'of course i do. i wouldn't date someone if i didn't find them attractive. i mean, who would do that?'

'some people don't care about looks.'

'good, then that leaves the more attractive people for me.'

'does it bother you that people think you only date good looking people?'

'no. but it does make me wonder.'

'wonder what?'

'wonder if i'd date an unattractive person. i mean, i kind of did when i moved out here. remember the spanish girl?'

'the one that wore open toed heels with stockings with a seam and smelled like ear wax?'

'yeah her. she wasn't that good looking. she didn't even have a good personality. what a waste of time that was.'

Look over at Satan. Satan feigns vomiting.

Look back at therapist, say; 'i guess i've just always gone after someone i'm attracted to first, then gotten to know them second.'

'do you think there's anything wrong with that?'

'no.'

'well, ok then i guess there's no problem.'

'there isn't a problem with me, i just don't want to be known as shallow.'

'you just said you only date good looking people.'

'right.'

'that's shallow.'

'no it's not. i just date people that most other people find as attractive as i do.'

'the girl you're dating now, is she good looking?'

'that's not fair. i didn't know she was hot before i met her.'

'where'd you meet her...a mask convention?'

'haha. i met her online and she had all her photos smeared out so you couldn't tell what she looked like.'

'why'd she smear out all her photos?'

'some hippie bullshit about substance meaning more than looks.'

Look over at Satan. Satan rolls eyes.

Look back at therapist, say; 'i figured i might as well meet her.'

'i'm suprised she actually wanted to meet you.'

'what's that supposed to mean?'

'it means i've read your online dating profile and you come across as an asshole.'

'hippies like assholes. it gives them something to work on changing.'

'how's that going?'

'well, i ate beefless beef the other night. i liked it so much i went out and bought 4 packs of it.'

'i like beefless beef. i put it in fajitas.'

'so, you're like a hippie jew? that seems odd.'

'i guess hippies come in all shapes, sizes and religious backgrounds.'

'you shave?'

'i bet you'd like to know that but you're not going to.'

'gross. you don't shave.'

'angela?'

'it's ok, i don't shave sometimes either. usually when i don't want anyone to find me attractive but that's just me.'

'angela...it looks like our time is up.'

'oh ok. so i'll see you next week, furkenstein.'

'that wasn't even close to funny.'

'yes it was.'

'i can't believe you get dates.'

'i know! isn't it great?!'

'no. good luck.'

Smile.