me vs. therapy

‘what’s new?’

‘i went over to white pony’s farm the other day.’

'is this the same white pony whom you’ve tried to ride for over 3 years, got to briefly pet a year ago, thought you'd get to own, only to have her start giving another admirer exclusive rights to rides in her saddle all the while keeping you hanging around the barn yard with occasional flicks of her tail?’

‘that’s a lot of metaphor. but yes…i think.’

'i thought we weren’t going to pet white pony anymore.’

‘i didn’t touch her.’

‘ok, what did you do?’

‘we talked. then she casually brought up a touchy subject that may or may not have had something to do with giving another rider sporadic forays on her saddle when the owner is out of town.’

‘of course you thought that meant she wanted you in the saddle so you offered up your riding skills, were turned down and are now in my office mystified by what happened?’

‘yes. she’s good.’

‘that’s because she’s a manipulator.’

‘yeah?’

‘you’re a manipulator.’

‘so?’

‘but not a great one. you will be outclassed everytime.’

‘i don’t get it.’

‘you have two choices when confronted with another manipulator. engage in a manipulative power struggle or walk away.’

‘i never walk away.’

‘naturally, because you’re also narcissistic and couldn’t imagine a world where you lose at something. although anyone would know that you’re both actually losing because you’re both manipulators and being a manipulator is inherently a losing behavior.’

Look over at Satan. Satan shrugs.

Look back at therapist, say: ‘why do i manipulate?’

‘there are several reasons to choose from, in your case i think it’s a combination of two. for fun and to gain control.’

‘i don’t think in this instance i’m gaining control.’

‘no, you are not.’

‘but i want to.’

‘no, angela you really don’t.’

‘why not?’

‘because much like monopoly, risk or candyland…’

‘ooo, i love candyland!’

‘...it’s a game. but it’s not a game that either of you will ever win. you’ll just continue to push and pull back and forth wasting time and energy.’

‘i’m never going to bang her am i?’

‘i can’t say never. but do you really want it badly enough that you’re willing to engage in this behavior with her indefinitely?’

Look over at Satan. Satan shakes head affirmative.

Look back at therapist, say; ‘yes.’

‘really?’

Look over at Satan. Satan shakes head affirmative.

Frown. Look back at therapist, sigh, say; ‘no.’

‘good. then move on. and i mean really this time. like take the pony to the back 40, shoot it and then bury all the parts. probably in different locations so you can never assemble them again.’

‘thank you for not yelling at me.’

‘oh angela, yelling at you is what you have friends for. since i get paid for listening to your stupid mistakes, i have to take a more measured approach.’

‘that’s like a nice way of saying i’m dumb.’

‘i wouldn’t say dumb. i’d say you tend to make the same mistakes. repeatedly.’

‘so, dumb.’

‘if you insist.’