me vs. therapy

'so, how are things?'

'things suck.'

'i guess that's better than "fine".'

'sure.'

'why do things suck?'

'i got dumped.'

'what do you mean you got dumped? when were you dating someone?'

'since new years.'

'and why haven't you told me about this girl. er, it is a girl right?'

'yes. and because i figured that i'd get dumped. so why go through the same process i always go through with you. again. and why bore the blog readers with the same stupid fucking story...again.'

'i see. so, you meet a girl...figure it's not going to work out from the get-go, don't tell me about her because you're certain of the outcome, then the outcome you envisioned happens and at that point you decide to tell me. and your readers'

'correct.'

'that's the stupidist thing i've heard you say in a long time. maybe even ever.'

'you know...i'm paying you. aren't you, like...supposed to be nice to me. or even just try a semblence of nice even if you don't want to be?'

'one might think that. but no. tell me about her.'

'no.'

'ok. do it anyway.'

'i don't want to.'

'i can sit here and stare at you for the rest of our hour together writing random notes that you can't see all the while driving you crazy because you can't stand it when i write notes that you can't see, or you can tell me about the girl. what's it going to be?'

'she was nice. she had a job, a house a car an aptitude for being normal. she didn't drink too much, didn't smoke, obeyed all traffic laws. probably had a good credit score. she had a nice smile, and was funny and she smelled pretty. i didn't so much like her taste in kitchen tables but that could have eventually been ironed out to my favor.'

'sounds like a keeper.'

'yes, well one would think. i however don't get to keep keepers very long for some reason that continues to escape me.'

'why'd she dump you?'

Shrug.

Look over at Satan. Satan shrugs.

Look back at therapist.

Say; 'lots of reasons were given, most of which i don't remember, since at the moment they were being given i was having 'nam-like flashbacks of girlfriends past.'

'i see. so, you interpreted her reasons as being the same as everyones before her?'

'yes.'

'why?'

'because all her reasons sounded the exact same as the ones i'd heard from others ex's. and none of them really matter.'

'why don't reasons matter to you?'

'because at the end of the day, you're still dumped.'

'well, you have a point.'

'really?'

'sure.'

'but, you never agree with me.'

'no, not really. but your sad, puppy dog eyes framed by those crows feet are making me have some pity.'

'you're the worst therapist i've ever met.'

'there's a smile behind that comment.'

'no there's not. shut up.'

'yes there is, i see the light in your eyes. which are framed by those crows feet...'

'you're stupid. i quit you.'

'you tried that last time. now stop it. what are you going to do moving forward?'

'well, i thought about that while i was blubbering in the shower.'

'and?'

'and i figured blubbering in the shower wasn't going to do much for me.'

'since it never has before?'

'right. so, i decided i could blubber for 2 more minutes.'

'and then?'

'and then i decided i'm going to quit eating shit food and that i'm going to run a lot more and that i'm going to be nicer to my cats. and that i should probably write a blog because that would make me happier.'

'has it worked?'

'no, it's really quite a boring blog so far.'

'what do you think you need to make it less boring?'

'a good zinger from my shrink might do it.'

'i'm all out of zingers since the bears lost.'

'yeah, that sucked huh?'

'almost as much as your luck with girls.'

'that was almost a zinger.'

'i didn't even try. score one for me.'

'thanks for the chat.'

'anytime.'

'bye therapist.'

'bye angela.'