me vs. therapy

‘i stare a lot.’

‘uh-huh.’

‘out into space mostly. like when you’re imagining a scene in your head and not really seeing what’s in front of you.’

‘yes. i understand what staring is.’

‘oh. right.’

‘i think you might consider practicing not staring into space.’

‘i probably should.’

‘there’s really no probably about it. you need to.’

‘ok, ok. i know. it’s just i’m mopey and sad right now.’

‘way to finally join the rest of us.’

‘sorry?’

‘nothing. what i think happens to you is often times you get mired down in the negative, cyclical thoughts…especially after a breakup like you’ve just had.’

‘err, is there some other way…because, i kinda thought that was the whole "process".’

‘i really do enjoy your air quotes.’

‘thank you.’

‘and no, that doesn’t always have to be your process.’

‘so…how else could i "process" this?’

‘first, please stop air quoting, it’s making me want to laugh at you and given the very serious environment we’re in i wouldn’t want to diminish the atmosphere with laughter.’

‘that’s very kind of you, even though you drip of sarcasm. so how else could i process this?’

‘thank you. well, you could dive into some volunteering or take up a part time job or…’

‘bang more bitches?!’

‘uhh, no. i wasn’t going to suggest that.’

‘i hear it’s a good way to go.’

‘is that right? and who do you hear that from?’

‘what do you mean?’

‘i mean, what kind of people are telling you to umm,....bang more ‘bitches’?’

‘people who get over their ex’s really quickly.’

‘i beg to differ. i think often times those people are running from their emotions and feelings. it eventually catches them.’

‘what’s it do when it catches them?’

‘beats them over the head with savage blunt force trauma.’

‘really?’

‘angela, i don’t know!’

‘well, you put it out there.’

‘what i’m trying to say is that running from loss, feelings, emotions doesn’t necessarily do anything but postpone them, so why on earth would you want to do that?’

‘uhh, because then i won’t be staring into space.’

‘exactly, you’ll be staring into the eyes of some ugly girl with herpes that you dragged into your bed after a night of sloppy drinking and poor decision making.’

‘that doesn’t sound as exciting as the people who get over their ex’s quickly by banging bitches make it sound.’

‘no, it doesn’t, does it?’

‘not that i could find bitches to bang anyway.’

‘what’s with all this bitches talk…i thought they were donkeys?’

‘sorry, i slipped out of character in my sadness.’

‘understandable. now, why do you think you can’t find donkeys to….you know?’

‘i don’t know. honestly, maybe i’m difficult to deal with….or i smell like something offensive.’

‘or because you use air quotes.’

‘air quotes are funny.’

‘air quotes are not funny and you’re completely datable you just need to think more positively about life and smile once in a while.’

‘right. well, i’ll practice that dandy advice and by the time i see you next i’m sure i’ll be all fixed and better and perfect.’

‘as long as you don’t show up with herpes, i’ll consider it a win.’

'you know what i consider a win?'

'...not forgetting to brush your teeth in the morning?'

'that's not funny.'

'matching your socks?'

'stop it!'

'making it to the bathroom in time?'

Frown.

Therapist smiles back.

say; 'thanks for making me smile.'

'you're frowning.'

'not on the inside.'

'well, there's step one.'