me vs. therapy

‘it’s a funny story, you’ll like it.’

‘i don’t know, angela. the funny stories you think i'll like have a way of not being funny and not what i like.'

‘just sit there and get paid. so i was sitting on my veranda last night and…’

‘your fire escape?’

‘same difference, quit interrupting. so i was sitting there on my V E R A N D A and i was feeling a bit sad.’

‘so you jumped and after the twelve feet that it took to make it to the ground, you decided it wasn’t so bad, but that you now had a horrible headache?’

‘...and was fresh out of motrin.'

'i hear tylenol is better for headaches.'

'we should get a morning radio show.'

‘they don’t pay well.’

‘so i was feeling a bit sad. i called everyone i could think of in my contacts that could possibly cheer me up. the phone would ring, and ring, and ring and then voicemail would pick up.’

‘no one answered?’

‘not a one.’

‘how many did you call.’

‘well, one, two, lani was number three, then i tried marissa number four, then ….’

‘just the tally when you’re done counting out loud please.’

‘nine. i went through nine people and no one answered. i hung up on the ninth voicemail greeting. i sighed. i took a long swig of my arby’s shake that i bought for myself as a ‘you deserve this fat filled load of chemicals and shit because you are sad’ present. i looked at the sky and contemplated, i looked at the age spots on my hands and contemplated, then i looked at the hibiscus bush at the other end of the veranda and i said out loud “well, it looks like it’s just you and me hibiscus”. and in that moment, in my mind, i pictured all the leaves of the hibiscus falling off immediately in one big clump.’

‘ok.’

‘and then i laughed. i mean i laughed like a crazy person. it was so funny to me, the moment of complete pathetic-ness…it’s funny.’

‘you should write a sitcom.’

‘sitcoms aren’t that funny. maybe something for fx or amc.’

‘why was the complete pathetic-ness so funny?’

‘i don’t know. maybe because in that moment you’re really not as alone as you feel.’

‘why do you say that?’

‘because everyone goes through it. i guess i think in those moments that i’m really not alone, i’m united with all the lonely chaps and ladies who have ever been in that moment too. and there’s a certain peace in that camaraderie.’

‘that’s an interesting way to look at it.’

‘it could have been all the sugar in the mocachino shake.’

‘it well could have been that too.’

 ‘i have a lot of life decisions to make. i don’t know which is right and which is wrong. it’s all very frustrating.’

‘you’re in a precarious time in your life. i think you need to take your time and be thoughtful and patient with yourself. it's healthy and not what the majority of people do.'

‘what do they do?’

'they put their best smile on and say it like they mean it.'

'i scowl and drink nasty-big shakes. but i'll do it in a more thoughtful and patient way now.'

'that's my girl. until i see you again, take care of that hibiscus.'