me vs. therapy

'so angela, how have you been?'

'i've been fucking hot.'

'umm, yes. it's quite warm out there as of late.'

'warm? it's not warm. it's a fucking jungle. there's fucking jaguars and macaws outside my bedroom window. the only fucking thing missing is tarzan and a fucking monkey.'

'uh-huh..so, you don't really enjoy summer?'

'oh no, i like the summer alright. but if i wanted to live in a fucking sauna, i'd move to fucking florida and plant a fucking palm tree next to my fucking alligator pond.'

'right.'

'right...what?'

'nothing, just listening to your tangent.'

'are you going to write something in your notebook?'

'if i wanted to write something about extreme temperatures triggering anger outbursts then i'd be writing while you're having one.'

'what about my repeated use of the word "fuck".'

'common coping mechanism when an individual has heat induced brain damage.'

'you're a fucking riot.'

'yes, i fucking am. ok, well besides whining about the heat what else can we discuss today?'

'i don't know. you think of something for a change.'

'ok, well why don't we touch on your non-existant dating life, that's always interesting.'

'how is it interesting if it's non-existant?'

'seeing you struggle is interesting, not the stories themselves.'

'oh. right. well, i haven't been dating.'

'is that right...i'm shocked.'

'....women.'

'ummm, bored again. great. go on....'

'i've met some dudes. dudes like me.'

'yes, you have a nice sense of humor to go along with your fake chest.'

'they like me for my mind.'

'sure they do. continue.'

'so anyway, the dates are fine but there's no spark.'

'that's quite surprising to me.'

'no it's not and quit looking at me like you're surprised because i know your condesending fake surprised look and you're doing it right now.'

'that was a big sentence.'

'it didn't have any commas in it either.'

'you never were very good with punctuation.'

'nor spelling.'

'nor men.'

'nor women.'

'wow...we could go on all day with things you're not good at.'

'we could, but that would cost me a lot of money and it might deflate my ego.'

'fat chance. hey...what's that on your arm?'

Look over at satan, satan coughs...looks the other way.

Look back at therapist, roll up sleeve. say; 'ummm, well that's my first tattoo.'

'it appears to be coordinates....'

'yes.'

'i don't have to ask where, i'm sure.'

'well, after all the time we've spent together, i should hope not.'

'very nice. for a tattoo.'

'do you have any tattoos?'

'yes.'

Stare at therapist.

Therapist stares back.

Look over at satan.

Satan stares back.

Look back at therapist, say: 'well?'

'it wouldn't be appropriate to share them with you.'

'is one of them my name?'

'no.'

'fuck.'

'nope. not that either.'

Smile.

Therapist smiles.

Say; 'thanks for making me smile.'

'you're welcome, now go home and sit next to the air conditioning and quit saying fuck so much. okay?'

'fuck yeah!'