me vs. therapy

‘i like grocery shopping before work.’

‘yes, it must be very quite.’

‘it is. well, except for the guys stocking the shelves. they aren’t quite, they play this boombox and they move it from aisle to aisle as they stock. they play classic rock, i hate classic rock. have you ever noticed that blue collar dudes LOVE classic rock?’

‘no.’

‘well, they do. all of them. they love classic rock. they can’t get enough of that shit. and ford trucks, they love ford trucks. and chevy trucks. and dodge trucks. but a toyota or a nissan? forget it, they run those over.’

‘i see you haven’t honed your skill at being less judgmental.’

‘anyway, it’s nice because there’s no people getting in my way. i stood in the pet aisle for a good ten minutes. i didn’t have to fight one old cat lady.’

‘your birthday is coming up, you’re fast approaching the old cat lady age.’

‘yes, i have crow’s feet. so i was really giddy standing there in the canned cat food area.’

‘why?’

‘i don’t know. it’s become this rush picking out the cat food flavors.’

‘uh-huh.’

‘like i was super excited when I found the breakfast line of friskies canned food. i kept thinking “oh my god! maddie is going to love the breakfast bake with turkey and salmon”, more excited than i get over my food.’

‘how’s that search for volunteering coming?’

‘i haven’t found a place yet. why?’

‘well, it sounds like you have a very full and well-rounded life, but maybe having a place to go weekly would be really good for you.’

‘i have a place to go.’

‘i mean besides in front of your video game system.’

‘i read.’

‘you read the same books.’

‘no.’

‘over and over.’

‘no, i read other stuff.’

‘and over and over.’

‘that’s not true.'

'and over again.'

'i started “co-dependent no more”.’

‘that’s good. learning anything?’

‘sort of. i mean, i can relate to some of it, but mostly it sounds a little too kooky for me. i’m not that bad. so i stopped reading it after chapter three.’

‘maybe you should finish it.’

‘why?’

‘well…’

‘you think i’m co-dependent?’

Look over at Satan, Satan tips up whiskey bottle, winks.

Look back at therapist, therapist says: ‘satan hasn’t been around in a while. your readers will be happy you brought him back.’

‘what?’

‘nothing. yes, i think you’re slightly a little bit co-dependent. but it’s ok, it’s not bad. you should just consider modifying a few things.’

‘ok. i’ll read the rest of it.’

‘no you won’t.’

‘no i won’t. i want to read my harry potter again. i like it, it makes me feel happy.’

‘what else is new?’

‘i’m going to michigan for my birthday. it’s my 40th and i want to be around my home.’

‘that sounds lovely.’

‘it won’t be. it will be cold and snowy and grey. but it will be nice to see my friends.’

‘true.’

‘and eat all the shit i can’t find out here.’

‘well, i hope you have a wonderful time trying to give yourself a heart attack at steak n’ shake. maybe we can make another appointment after you get released from the hospital.’

‘can you come to my room for a session?’

‘no, this show doesn’t travel.’

‘ok. well, hopefully i see you in a few weeks!’

‘bring me back a vernors.’