me vs. therapy

‘so there i was, standing in front of the build-a-bear animal wall.’

‘i’m sure the decision took at least 45 minutes.’

’15.’

‘that’s a lie.’

’25. anyway, i decided on the tried and true basic bear.’

‘how long ago was this?’

'umm, this was the farmer girl donkey so what's that....08?'

'if memory serves....ok, go on...'

‘well, i took it to the stuff-it girl and handed her my handmade note.’

‘you hand wrote a note?’

‘yeah. i picked out some of that heavy, cotton weaved paper at a specialty store.’

‘what did the note say?’

‘i’m not saying.’

‘you should tell your therapist everything.’

‘really? you want to know about my semi-serious therapist fantasies?’

‘so she stuffed your bear.’

‘yes, but not all the way. i wanted my bear floppy and worn looking.she takes the note, frowns oddly, stuffs it in his butt and fills it with poof.’

Look over at Satan, Satan ashes cigar, looks bored.

Look back at therapist. She says; ‘and then….’

‘i grabbed it, picked up a bow from the hallmark store, smashed it on his head and took it to the airport and gave it to the girl when she landed.’

‘that’s really quite lovely, but what’s the point?’

‘we got in a fight 3 weeks later, she ripped the bear apart, poof went everywhere, the note fell out, she read it, then threw the whole shebang in the garbage.’

‘right in front of you?’

‘right in front of me.’

‘that note must have been offensive.’

‘no. not at all, very much the opposite. she was just a cold, fucking bitch.’

‘your favorite.’

‘don’t i know it.’

‘will this incident make you rethink romantic, thoughtful gestures in the future?’

‘well, i don’t want it to, but how can it not? i mean, she basically smashed my heart.’

‘and your bear.’

‘yeah, i feel bad for the bear. he was a pretty awesome bear.’

Fish rolls eyes, poops.

‘you have a strange attachment to inanimate things.’

‘hey, you can’t pull that one out this time. you have to see the symbolism in the bear ripping.’

‘she was angry, i don’t see symbolism, just fury.’

‘fine, suit yourself, but i’m sticking with symbolism.’

‘uh-huh. ok, so what else?’

‘one time, i shoved a rose in her door while she was away on business.’

‘that’s nice.’

‘i’m not done. see, she was dating several girls at the time, so i put a michigan quarter in the petals so she’d know who it was from.’

‘because you're from michigan but were in connecticut and the quarter would stand out?’

‘yes.’

‘hmmm.’

‘what?’

‘do you find it odd that you had to identify whom the rose was from?’

‘no. i find it odd that she used the quarter to buy some gum later that night.’

‘maybe…and this is just a suggestion….in the future….if you have to stamp your name on a gift to let the receiver know it’s from you and not some other girl in a line of hussies, you should discontinue the dating relationship.’

‘what about when she rips open stuffed animals?’

‘that might be a good sign too. what did the note say?’

‘i don’t want the readers to know.’

‘write it down.’

‘hey, good idea.’

Look over at Satan. Satan scribbles note, holds it out.

Grab note, hand it to therapist.

Therapist sighs.

Say; ‘what?’

‘nothing.’

‘what?’

‘that was a nice note.’