me vs. therapy

'you haven't spoken about your white pony in quite a long time. in fact, i believe the last i heard about her was right after christmas.'

'yeah, well after we kissed in the parking lot, things just went south.'

'why do you think that is?'

'maybe my kissing sucked.'

'angela...'

'what?'

'can you try to be serious?'

'i was.'

'angela, kissing isn't the end all be all.'

'yes, it is.'

'no, it's not.'

'well, maybe not for people like you. but the rest of us put a lot of stock into it.'

'oh for crying out loud. fine...let's just pretend she drifted off for another reason besides the kissing not being good.'

'but it was.'

Therapist grits teeth. Smile. Therapist doesn't smile back. say; 'i'm sorry.'

'just go on....so this woman is in a relationship, they live together, you two have a thing for each other for months and when the breakup finally happens and you can be together, it dies. i know this has deeply affected you, what do you think happened?'

'i think either a) i'm amazing and when the chance to really be with me became a reality it proved overwhelming and intimidating and instead of embracing a healthy, stabile person who could provide her with a wonderful relationship she choose to bang stupid girls or b) i'm dumb and she doesn't like me she just liked the attention i provided. there.....happy?'

'yes, thank you.'

Therapist scribbles on notepad.

Glance to the right. satan knits baby bonnet. stops, wipes away tear, continues knitting.

Look back at therapist, say; 'are you done writing your notes or what?'

'just about.'

'are you writing about how i'm sorely delusional?'

'no. i'm writing down a note to myself.'

'what's it say?'

'it says, never...ever be a lesbian.'

Frown.

Therapist smiles, says; 'i think you're right.'

'about which one?'

'both...to an extent.'

'great. well, then that ends that miserable chapter in my life. what's next?'

'how about we talk about your trip down to florida to see your parents?'

'ok, that's fun!'

'what did you do?'

'i got killed at dominos. i ate a lot. i almost overflowed their toilet....again, i spooned the dog every night and i bought a nifty pair of sunglasses!'

'sounds exciting. do you feel refreshed?'

'well, i did until we started talking about the white pony today.'

'would you like to pretend the white pony died?'

'yes! how can we kill her?'

'ummm, i suggest you decide.'

'can i pretend white pony was hit by a combine? like one of those big, huge ones on a farm out in nebraska?'

'certainly, it's your session.'

'awesome! i feel better already.'

'i'm glad.'

'hey, you know this session wasn't as funny as others. my blog readers are gonna be bored.'

'angela, as i've pointed out before....our sessions aren't intended to fuel good blog writing.'

'but it makes me money.'

'money isn't everything.'

'does that mean you'll consider throwing this session in for free.'

'fat chance. i appreciate your boldness though. now, utilize that more when women treat you the way white pony treated you and you'l be all set.'

'thanks therapist.'

'bye angela.'