me vs. therapy

‘so i was playing solitaire on my phone at work the other day….’

‘and the boss caught you, grabbed your phone, threw it out the window and fired you on the spot.’

‘no. i was playing solitaire and every time i got to move a card on top of another card the program automatically turned over the next card under it.’

‘fascinating.’

‘it’s not fascinating, it bugs the shit out of me.’

‘because you have control issues and refuse to let anything or anyone have any kind of control over anything in your life?’

‘no. because i want to turn over my own god damn playing card.’

Look over at Satan. Satan picks at lint in belly button. Raises finger to nose, smells.

Look back at therapist. Therapist says; ‘you’d like to convince yourself of that i’m sure. but you have control issues.’

‘no i don’t.’

‘yes, you do.’

‘no, i don’t.’

‘yes, you do.’

‘no, i don’t.’

‘angela….what did you do last time you were at the grocery store and you didn’t get your favorite parking spot?’

‘what….that doesn’t even count.’

‘did you stomp around the store, glare at everyone, drop a banana bunch, snap at a check–out girl and carry so much irritation that you told me about it….4 days later?’

‘that banana thing was an accident.’

‘angela.’

‘so. i don’t like door dings.’

‘uh-huh. did you get a door ding that day?’

‘it doesn’t matter. i could have.’

‘but you didn’t.’

‘but i could have.’

‘you could have won the stores millionth customer award and gotten a 10,000 dollar check too, but you didn’t. are you angry about that?’

‘that doesn’t make any sense.’

‘you think that because you know you’re wrong.’

‘whatever. let’s talk about something else.’

‘controlling the conversation?’

‘stop it.’

‘what would you like to talk about?’

‘therapists who think they’re always right.’

Therapist sighs. Says; ‘how about we talk about your weekend?’

‘ok. so i was playing super mario brothers for the wii with my friend.’

‘really, how interesting. go on.’

‘have you ever played?’

‘no.’

‘that’s not surprising, you don’t do anything fun. so you play together on the same screen and there’s this part where you both get to ride dragons.’

‘wow.’

‘so we jumped on them and I found out that you can use the dragons tongue to put stuff in your dragons mouth and carry it.’

‘awesome.’

‘there was a crevice coming up, so i put my friend and her dragon in my mouth so i could carry her over the crevice safely when i jumped.’

‘exciting….and?’

‘and i ended up falling into the crevice, taking her and her dragon to their deaths.’

‘game, set, match….i win.’