me vs. therapy

Twirl ring on finger.

Look over at fish.

Fish scowls.

Scowl back.

Ring falls off finger, bounces on floor, rolls under desk.

Frown, get off sofa, fall to hands and knees, search for ring.

Hear heels clicking outside.

Look up at fish. Fish holds up middle finger, smiles.

Bite lip, reach further.

Therapist walks in.

Stops.

Says; "looking for something good?'

'yeah, i think i lost my pride under here in our last session.'

'any luck?'

Fingers find ring, grab, bring to chest, hug. Shove on finger. Sit down, say; 'who needs luck when you're perfect.'

'right. so, how was your christmas?'

'snowy and loaded with kids.'

'you went to your sisters, correct?'

'yes, she lives in missouri. they have 4 kids.'

'wow, that's a lot of activity. do anything fun?'

'eh, changed my first diaper, killed terrorists with the 11-year old and accidently shot the neighbors house with my brother-in-laws paint ball gun.'

'very nice.'

'what did you do?'

'oh angela, let's not talk about me let's put all the focus on you, which is where you like it.'

'ok, if you insist.'

'any big plans for the new year?'

'hmmm, yes.'

'and.....'

'well, if i tell you then it may ruin my plans.'

'i don't think i understand.'

'you're not supposed to.'

'ok. well, moving right along....what else is new?'

'i got to kiss my white pony in a parking lot.'

'excuse me?'

'nothing.'

Look over at Satan. Satan giggles.

Look back at therapist. Therapist says; 'last i knew your white pony already had a rider in the saddle.'

'guess that cowpoke got bucked.'

'uh-huh. so, what's the plan there?'

'eh, i'll just kinda hang around the stable with my chaps on.'

'waiting for a ride?'

'yeah, i figure i might even bring along an apple or a carrot.'

'umm, yes. i'm sure bribery will work wonders.'

'hey, i'm a woman of action.'

'you're a woman of something.'

'that was kind of funny. i mean, for you.'

'yes, i like to change it up every now and then.'

'like going after a girl?'

'not that much change.'

'lying to yourself will only bring pain.'

'useful advice you should utilize.'

'huh?'

'nevermind. well, i hope your barn stalking works out for you and i'm sure i'll hear if it doesn't.'

'i'll even tell you if it does.'

'lucky me.'

'so, i was going to make a list of things to accomplish for 2010. so far, i've got ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT SOMEONE IS SAYING AND REMEMBER IT, DRINK LESS DIET COKE, AVOID LESBIANS, STOP CRACKING KNUCKLES AND GIVE UP MICROWAVE POPCORN.'

'admirable goals. what's wrong with the popcorn?'

'cnn.com said when i microwave it chemicals are released that cause cancer.'

'hmm. how many bags of microwave popcorn would you estimate you've already consumed in your lifetime?'

'400.'

'yeah, you're probably already screwed on that one.'

'does that mean i can scratch it off my list?'

'i would. then again i'm a therapist, not a doctor.'

'hmm, well i like popcorn, so i think i'll listen to you.'

'suit yourself.'

'you think i can hit those goals, realistically speaking?'

'that depends on how willing you are to change the very fabric of your being.'

'really?'

'no. i'm just kidding again. it's fun, i see why you enjoy it.'

'yeah, it kind of makes the day nicer.'

'yeah, it kind of does. i think you can easily attain all of your goals. you're strong-willed despite thinking you're not.'

'gee, that was nice of you to say.'

'don't get used to it.'

'i won't. happy new year therapist.'

'happy new year angela. see you next time.'