me vs. therapy

'so how is life?'

'cold.'

'how else?'

'i keep getting asked out.'

'that's good.'

'i guess. unfortunately they have weiners.'

'the terms you utilize for parts of the human body are on a par with 6-year olds. i thought you liked men?'

'sometimes. but mostly i find them course, clueless and hairy.'

'oh, well in that case i guess it's not as good as it could be if they were women.'

'right. but women don't ask me out.'

'maybe it's that scowl you wear all the time.'

'i like my scowl. my scowl is my trademark.'

'yes well apparently it's also an invitation for men to ask you out.'

'why would a dude like a scowl on a woman? that makes no sense. scowls are firmly rooted in the "i'm an angry lesbian" department.'

'maybe they know that and like the challenge?'

'maybe they just ask out every women they see and hope one finally says yes.'

'well that could be a possiblity as well. why don't you give one of them a try and see how it goes?'

'one worked on the ferry and smelled like low tide.'

'so?'

'do you want to go to dinner with low tide?'

'no. and the others?'

'one was the gas company guy and while he's working on my furnace, which just so happens to be located in my bedroom, he looked over at me and asked where my man was.'

'and you said?'

'i stared at him blankly. i couldn't figure out if should say that my man was coming home at any minute to protect my lady parts from possible illegal invasion or if i should say i was a lesbian and ensure my lady parts got an illegal invasion.'

'how long did you stare?'

'long enough for it to seem weird. so i just shrugged and said "uhh". then he asked me out.'

'sounds awkward.'

'yeah well it's not often i get asked out in my bedroom. i mean most people that have made it to my bedroom have already been on at least 15 dates with me...'

'you mean 2?'

'that's not funny.'

'who's laughing?'

Look over at Satan. Satan is laughing.

Look back at therapist, therapist says; 'you've got to give the guy points for courage.'

'whatever, no i don't. how hard is it to ask out a girl when you're already in her bedroom and the future of her heat in the 9 degree weather depends on your screwdriver?'

'you've never met a double entendre that you didn't like have you?'

'ha! i'd wink but winking doesn't work for me.'

'really? you're not a good winker?'

'not at all. do you want to see me try?'

'of course i do. i've never met a bad winker.'

'ok, here goes...'

'that's terrible. what are you doing with your face? it looks like you're going to the bathroom.'

'i'm winking! it's just i can't seem to get one eye to do it. ugh...it hurts, i'm going to get a headache.'

'yeah, i think you should stop before you hurt yourself.'

'maybe i should try that when men ask me out.'

'now there's an idea.'