me vs. therapy

'i'm confounded. it's beyond me. i can't grasp it.'

'did you ever consider being alone is what you need right now?'

'no.'

'angela...really, come on now.'

'therapist...really, i've been single for well over 2 years. i don't need to be alone any longer.  i know everything about me that there is to know. in fact, i'm getting rather sick of my relationship with me.'

'why do you say that?'

'me is too demanding. me talks too much. me looks at other chics all the time. me drives too fast, whistles all the time, bitches too much and her butt smells.'

Look over at satan, satan chews broccoli stalk.

Look back at therapist. Therapist says; 'maybe you and me need to refresh your relationship.'

Smile widely.

Therapist frowns, says; 'you know what i meant.'

'i sure did, spicy pants.'

Fish chuckles.

Therapist says; 'what i meant was, maybe you could go outside your comfort zone and give yourself a jolt to get out of your rut.'

'like dating a guy?'

'uh, no.'

'like not showering for a week?'

'i think we need to get back on task.'

'like quitting my job tomorrow and moving to bolivia to work the streets as an impoverished begger?'

'are you done?'

'like, no.'

'if you continue to follow the same routine then you have nothing to expect but the same result.'

'hmmm, sounds like that movie groundhog day. except in rhode island, not pensilvania.'

'you realize you just butchered the spelling of pennsylvania?'

'spelling was never my strong suit.'

'neither was being normal.'

'what?'

'i was just thinking out loud. so, i think maybe if you volunteered somewhere or joined some kind of activity group you may be more satisfied with your free time.'

'well, i have been thinking about big brothers big sisters.'

'an excellent idea.'

'do you think they let gays do that?'

'i'm sure they do, however you may not need to even disclose you're gay.'

'what if they figure it out because i want to have a little boy so we can play video games and race my car and go to action movies?'

'that is possible but unlikely to matter.'

'is it possible that you like me?'

'would it matter if i said no?'

'no.'

'well then i have a non-answer for you.'

Blink.

Therapist blinks back.

Blink.

Therapist blinks back.

Say; 'oh...that was your answer, right?'

'yes angela.'

'i'm slow sometimes. it's the aspartame in my diet coke.'

'not the marbles in your head?'

 'ahahaha....that would be funny if you weren't my therapist whos job it is to make me happy.'

Therapist smiles, says; 'have a great afternoon, angela.'

'you too therapist'.