me vs. therapy

'...what prompted you to say that?'

Look over at Satan....Satan sheepishly grins, looks away.

'the voice inside my head that always steers me wrong prompted me to say that.'

'sounds to me like you could use some practice at self-control'.

'really...because i've been certain all along that my immediate response was always the right one'.

'there's no need for sarcasm, angela.'

'is there a need for our sexual tension?'

'no, which is why there isn't any.'

'you know, for a highly educated woman of your brilliance, i would have assumed that you'd be more in touch with your feelings.'

'i am in touch with my feelings.....or in this case, lack thereof.'

'that would've hurt, if i believed you.'

'it's quite interesting how in the face of certain failure, your denial of the truth overwhelms your reason'.

'pretty cool huh? it's taken me years to perfect, i'm quite proud.'

'...as you should be.'

Look over at fish, fish burps bubble....

Look back at therapist, say; 'well, however much i'd love to continue our sex banter, i have to interject with a serious topic.'

'....interject away....'

'the donkey...from michigan.'

'yes'.

'she's calling me again.'

'...and?'

'and....she tells me about her day and then asks about mine.'

Look over at Satan, Satan puts down crotchet....shrugs, sips cocktail, continues crotcheting.

'ok, so far not terrible....'

'yeah, but she's working me.'

'how is that?'

'well, she knows how to play me and now, of course, i've been entertaining playing farm with her again.'

'i see. you know, there is a danger in remaining friends with ex's....especially ex's who you are still attracted to.'

Look over at Satan....Satan is humping pillow while swinging crotchet needle over head like cowboy roping.

Look back at therapist, say; 'alcoholic donkey has always had my heart, she knows this, my friends know this, your stupid, f-ing fish with shit coming out of his ass knows this.'

'so what are you going to do about it?'

'invite her to visit'.

'of course you are.'

'well what would you like me to do?'

'cease contact for the time being, grasp the fact that she's in a relationship with someone else, understand that you will inevitably get hurt and be sitting across from me crying about her.'

Blank stare.

Therapist taps pen on note pad.

Say; 'don't tap your pen at me.'

'you know that i'm right, that's why it's upsetting you.'

'i know you know i know you're right, but that doesn't make me want her not to visit. she was my match.'

'really?'

Look over at Satan....Satan holds up index fingers to forehead, makes horns impression.

Frown.

Look over at fish....fish holds up fins to forehead, makes horns impression.

Look back at therapist, say; 'ok, she wasn't the greatest to me. it fact, she was the devil and made my life miserable, but there were amazing times.'

'this might be a good time to begin prescribing narcotics for you....'

'you know what, if i want to live in complete denial and enjoy the ex that broke my heart 5 million times in the span of 6 years for a long weekend why can't i? i mean, i trudge to a job i don't like every damn day, trudge to the gym i don't like every damn day, lay in bed alone every damn night, so why can't i indulge?'

'you can, no one is stopping you. however, i feel it is my responsibility to help you recognize the fact that making this rash decision will complicate your life and bring certain misery down upon your shoulders about 5 seconds after she leaves on the plane.'

'your unyielding rightness aggravates me.'

'it's taken me years to perfect. i'm quite proud.'

'don't you plagiarize me in my time of need.'

'i thought you'd enjoy the laugh.'

i'd enjoy it much more if you'd admit your attraction to me.'

'wow, well as much as i'd like to do that, i try to live in a world free of make believe.'

Mumble under breath...'i'll make believe your shirt on my floor and a saddle on your back.'

'excuse me?'

Satan slaps knee, chortles uncontrollably.

'what? oh.....i was just having a joke under my breath at your expense.'

'that's nice, angela.'

'well hey, half the time i leave this office with no clear idea of exactly what i accomplished so i have to subsidize that withsomething....'

Therapist sighs heavily, writes notes....says; 'our time together is up, and you will be leaving, but not before you have a crystal clear understanding of what we've accomplished today.'

'....a mutual agreement that we're attracted to each other but until i find a different therapist we can't succumb to our desires?'

'yes, you're exactly right.'

'really?'

'no, not really. we've decided that you will think long and hard the next time alcoholic donkey's number shows up on your caller id.'

'like....think long and hard about how nice it would be to cares..'

'angela. no.'

'but i real...'

'no.'

'not even the stirrups?'

'not even reins, a blanket or hay.'

Sigh...look over at Satan...Satan feeds white pony carrot, pets shoulder.

Frown....say; 'fine, but this one's going to be hard.'

'yes, saying no to fun things usually is hard for your entitled personality.'

'i really like it when you're mean to me.'

'i'm being honest, not mean.'

'i honestly like it when you're mean to me.'

'wow, look at the time....'