me vs. therapy

'...and that's about the time i decided she was crazy.'

'my cue would have been the incident in the shower 2 weeks beforehand.'

'yeah, i kinda chalked that up to the wine'.

'normally, wine doesn't make people do that.'

'you know, i thought that at the time too....maybe i should listen to my inner voice more often.'

Look over at Satan.

Satan shakes head no...pulls out wallet, points to wallet sized photos of incident in shower...smiles widely.

Look over at fish.

Fish gives thumbs up.

Look back at therapist.

Therapist says: 'our inner voices are often right.'

'what about when mine tell me to kill babies?'

'here we go.'

'or that time they said the kittens were meowing too loudly?'

'tell me when you're finished so i can check back in.'

'one time when i was little they said i could fly.'

'it's amazing how you can just keep going.'

'...that's what she said.'

'uh-huh...ok, well, i have to say i'm happy to hear that you learn from most of your past mistakes and adjust your future interactions accordingly. now, how's your motivation been lately?'

'alright...you know, i think it's my birth control making me so tired.'

'you're gay.'

'yeah.'

'nevermind.'

'i don't want to give it up, so i'll just drink more diet coke.'

Look over at Satan, Satan shakes head in agreement.

Therapist says; 'that may not be the best solution, but you're going to do it anyway so i'm not going to argue. let's talk about your vacation at Christmas, you'd mentioned another donkey.'

Look over at Satan. Satan looks down at wallet....

'yeah, well...turns out that donkey was really an ass.'

'no call back yet i assume?'

'no. maybe it's because asses have a hard time dialing the phone with their hooves?'

'maybe the ass used you?'

'or the ass got roped into working in a circus for 6 months?'

'or maybe the ass used you?'

'or probably the ass has a donkey in the other stall that it likes better.'

'i think you are probably correct. and the ass used you.'

'do you think you'll ever break our sexual tension and use me?'

'i'm quite sure that will never happen, but i enjoy you trying to convince me each and every session that we have.'

'so what should i do about my ass?'

'i'd say there's nothing for you to do.'

'yeah, i think i should move on to burros.'

Therapist frowns.

'i mean, way, way, way in the future when i'm ready for that kind of nonsense.'

'i think that is a wise decision.'

'what about killing the babies?'

'probably not.'

'the kittens?'

'i'd just keep going to the gym.'

'flying is out too then?'

'do you have a cape?'

'as a matter of fact, yes i do.'

'i was joking.'