me vs. therapy

'so you decided to talk to her?'

'well yeah....she grabbed my elbow. i didn't want to be rude.'

'why not, you're usually rude.'

'i am?'

'that's what you've told me. would you like me to go back through my notes to prove it to you?'

'no. could you go back through your notes and find the part where we discover our sexual tension?'

'is this joke almost over?'

'no. it's funny.'

'i'm not laughing. the fish isn't laughing.'

'satan and my friends are.'

'let's continue with your night at the bar.'

'ok. well, there i was in the bathroom....'

'angela.'

'....and i was hovering over the seat because you know you aren't supposed to sit on the seat....'

'you can stop now.'

'....and since i'd had a couple, i started to sway and wouldn't you know it....'

'ANGELA.'

'what?'

'the girl please, continue with her.'

'yeah, well i had called her a couple times before that night, she never wanted to go out. so now here we are at the bar talking and i asked her why that was, and i got the bullshit ''i'm scared of getting hurt''.

'ummm-hummmm, go on.'

'well that's code for ''eff off and die asshole''.

'that's a harsh assessment, angela. perhaps she really is scared to take that step.'

'she didn't have a problem stepping up to another donkey and kissing her 10 minutes later.'

'sometimes filling our lives with carefree and momentary acts is the best we can do to cope.'

'like you drawing naked pictures of me on your notepad when i'm not looking?'

'i don't do that.'

'like you dreaming about me naked while i'm talking.'

'sorry.'

'sorry that you do that, don't be....it's ok with me.'

'no. sorry that you are disillusioned.'

'i don't get it.'

'angela, i think you need to practice not wanting anyone.'

Blank stare.

'i don't get it.'

'it seems to me that you are looking too hard and that if you just relax, it will fall into your lap.'

'like when i'm shopping at the grocery store?'

'perhaps.'

'or maybe when i'm at the library?'

'maybe.'

'she could be laying out on the beach this summer and i accidently trip over her while i look for a place to set down my beach towel.'

'that could happen.

'NO!! it really can't!'

'why do you say that?'

'because the only people i see grocery shopping at walmart wear wolfsweatshirts, 1983 reeboks and stone washed jeans. and the only library membership i have is in coloma, michigan which is about a thousand miles to the west of rhode island. and i hate the beach, there's nothing good about the beach except when you pee there it doesn't splatter on your feet it just gets sucked into the sand'

'you're negative.'

'yeah....well, you're fish doesn't know how to shit correctly.'

'you're deflecting.'

Look over at Satan....Satan nods agreement.

Flip off Satan.

''so i stop looking, then what?'

'go to the gym.'

'i go to the gym all the time.'

'put more energy into work.'

'i work all the time.'

'take up a hobby.'

'like hitting on my therapist?'

Therapist sighs heavily, writes notes.

Looks up, says: 'i know you know what you need to do.'

'stop riding donkeys. stop chasing donkeys. stop looking for donkeys.'

'correct.'

'but what if one walks by and i just pet it?'

'no'.

'but what if one is dying by the side of the road because it just got hit by a tractor and it needs mouth to mouth to live?'

'angela....'

'you don't want me to ignore a dying donkey do you?'

'angela...'

'then you'd have donkey blood on your hands.'

'well, well, look at the time. seems our hour is up.'

'same time next week?'

'yes, same time next week.'

'ok, don't think about me too much.'

'i won't'.