me vs. therapy

....'and then i told her that i didn't love her anymore.'

'that was brave of you, many people don't have the courage to be honest if it will bring sadness to someone else.'

'screw brave. i'm never doing that again....she bawled for 3 months straight while i was stuck living there.....how do you cry for 3 months straight?'

Look over at Satan....Satan shrugs....look back at therapist.

Therapist says: 'grieving is an individual process, there is no time table.'

Stare with mouth slacking....say: 'we only dated for 4 months.'

'you did move out here with her, didn't you?'

'that's not the point....hey look, flipper has more dookie hanging out of his butt.'

'ignore the fish.'

'well, ok....but it's going to be hard with that much poop hanging off his ass.'

'have you heard of freud's stages of development....in particular the anal fixation stage?'

Point excitedly at fish bowl....say: 'look, look....it's almost as long as the entire bowl now!'

'angela.'

'geez, that must hurt...'

'angela!'

'huh?'

'let's redirect to the period after you fell out of love with donkey #7'.

'i was never really in love.'

'i see. why then did you commit to a relationship with this person?'

'she agreed with everything i said.'

'...and?'

'....uh......she bought me diet coke?'

Look over at Satan....Satan nods, gives thumbs up.

Look back at therapist.....

Therapist looks unimpressed...writes note.

'you're not writing something about patient deflecting are you?'

'no.'

'are you writing about how hot the patient is?'

'no.'

'how about patient is an asshole?'

'maybe.'

Satan sniggers.

Therapist looks up, says: 'so you and donkey #7 broke up and then you were stuck out here all alone, is that correct?'

'yeah...it pretty much sucked.'

'life is difficult to navigate at times.'

'yes it is....usually my compass e-ffing breaks and i hit a coral reef and my boat sinks, then i end up...not on a beautiful, palm tree infested island...but in rhode fucking island.'

'you sound bitter?'

Look at Satan....Satan nods agreement.

Look back at therapist, say: 'not so much bitter, just confused.'

'about?'

'our sexual tension.'

'i can see how that would be confusing for you since you believe we have some and in reality we don't....now, stop deflecting.'

'i wasn't deflecting, i was trying to be brave despite the fact that it may bring sadness.'

'who would be sad?'

'well, you when i admit that despite the sexual tension we have....i couldn't commit to you in my broken emotional state.'

Smile.

Satan smiles.

Therapist frowns.

I say: 'i know you're just dying to smile....c'mon, it's in there......'

'i always look forward to our meetings angela....do you know why?'

'because you enjoy verbally setting me up so i can keep knocking them out of the park?'

'no....because you and i both know you're not emotionally broken.'

'we do?'

'yes, we do. it seems to me that you just want someone to talk to.'

'yeah...it's kind of nice. i think we should play bar trivia together too.'

'that's not going to happen.'

'what about watch Jeopordy together?'

'not likely.'

'poker tuesdays?'

'i'll see you next week.'

'at the bar?'

'goodbye angela.'

'bye therapist.'