me vs. therapy

Stare at goldfish.

Wonder if goldfish feels 3 inch trail of poop hanging from butt.

Look down at scarf.

Pick off balls of lint.

Hear footsteps.

Therapist walks in.

Sits down.

Stop picking lint balls.

Look up.

Say: 'you're never here waiting for me.'

'i'm sorry, by the end of the day...things tend to back up.'

'yeah, i think your goldfish has the same problem.'

Therapist looks at goldfish.

Looks at me.

Shrug.

Therapist shrugs.

Says: 'ok, so you had a homework assignment...'

'yes, i found that it sucked, i'm sure you planned it that way.'

'i wouldn't say planned, however...i guessed you would struggle somewhat.'

'thank you, my daily fight with life was getting rather boring so a good struggle is just what i needed.'

'i'll ignore your sarcasim and say, you're welcome...tell, me....how do you think you did?'

'overall, i believe i was successful....though, the not thinking about me when someone else was talking was painful....pain somewhat similar to what your goldfish is probably feeling.'

'behaving unselfishly can be difficult for people who are innately selfish.'

'i think you're trying to tell me something.....oh, hey your goldfish finally got rid of his trailer....'

'did you work on your distraction problem?'

'why, do i have one?'

'i believe you may.'

'may what?'

Therapist stares blankly. Says: 'ok, well i'd like you to continue working on those two items.'

'you're the boss.'

'now, what about the soulmate you were telling me about previously?'

'the one who makes me wait in her office, then sits and listens to me talk about myself then takes notes and looks at me disapprovingly but secretly wishes she could see me naked?'

'no, the one from michigan.'

'oh, her....yeah, she's got a rider but i still feed her.'

'is that a metaphor for she's dating someone but finding emotional support through you?'

'maybe.... if i say yes, then the people who read my blog will know too much about me and her.....'

'maybe posting a blog about your therapy sessions isn't a good idea.'

'i'm sure it's not but neither is your goldfish carrying around a 3 inch trail of poop, but he still does it.'

'angela, he's a fish.'

Blank stare.

Blank stare back.

Therapist sighs, says: 'it may be advisable for you to stop feeding the donkey of your dreams until she decides the rider doesn't....ride well.'

'yeah, but then who will i talk to?'

'your mom?'

'i like to keep my mom in the dark about who i really am.'

'your sister?'

'she'll tell my mom.'

'your aunt?'

'she'll tell everyone.'

'what about the donkey from Illinois?'

'the one i rode last year?'

'yes, you and her got along well, yes?'

'well, i thought so....but it turns out she just brayed a lot'

'she lied to you?'

'often.'

'so basically she was lame and you had to shoot her?'

'hey, you're pretty good at metaphors.'

'it's my life's work.'

'my life's work is taking care of donkeys....i'm ready to quit.'

'a change in career paths is a fantastic idea.'

'will you help me with my resume?'

'absolutely.'

'will you help me lie on it?'

'....angela.'

'fine.'