me vs. therapy

Pick at dry skin next to finger nail.

Pull.

Too far.

Stick finger in mouth.

Therapist walks in, shuts door.

Pull finger out of mouth.

Wipe wet finger on jeans.

Therapist sits down, smiles, says: 'how've you been since our last session?'

Boisterously say: 'GREAT!'

'you're exaggerating aren't you?'

Boisterously say: 'NO!'

'you know, i find that despite your complete lack of progress in our sessions...you always come prepared with a smile.'

'a smile and deflection!'

'right. so, we were going to talk more about past failed relationships.'

'yeah....that doesn't really sound like fun to me. can we talk about something else?'

'certainly. what is it that you'd like to talk about?'

'our sexual tension.'

'what else?'

'your inability to deal with your feelings for me.'

'i wouldn't be comfortable upsetting you in your fragile emotional state.'

'that's unsatisfactory.'

'you're parodying me'.

'true dat.'

'what if we focus our attention on your relationship with your parents. you'd mentioned anger with them for selling your childhood house on the lake 9 years ago'.

'yeah, that sucked'.

'what sucked about it?'

'they didn't ask me.'

'it was their house.'

'didn't you say this was my party?'

'that doesn't necessarily mean i'm going to coddle your feelings.'

'why am i paying you then?'

'to listen and guide you.'

'guide me where?''

'through life's turbulant waters, to a settled and comfortable place.'

'but i want to live on the lake.'

'that's not realistic.'

'neither is your obsession with me, but you still have it.'

'i don't have an obsession with you, angela.'

'lying to yourself won't help you on your journey to self-discovery'.

'true dat.'

'are you parodying me?'

Therapist blinks, says: 'of course not.'

'i think you are.'

'let's continue to talk about your parents...you have a good relationship with them, correct?'

'excellent....can we work on getting me natalie portman now?'

Therapist taps fingers on desk.

Writes notes.

Says: 'i'm going to give you a homework assignment...i'd like you to practice it over the next week before our next session.'

'does it involve natalie portman?'

'no.'

'does it involve our sexual tension?'

'no.'

'does it involve riding donkeys?'

'no.'

'can i just take a zero?'

'....angela.'

'ok.'