me vs. therapy

'what did you steal?'

'huh?'

'i said, what did you steal?'

'i don't understand the question.'

'there's a shape protruding out from under your sweater vest. it appears to be a box of some kind. tampons, granola bars or a 6-pack of soap?'

Look down. Look back up, say; 'well, would you look at that. where did that come from?'

'angela.'

'maybe it's an alien incubating.'

'angela.'

'yes?'

'what's on your chest?'

'boobs!'

'angela.'

'it's a monitor.'

'what kind of monitor?'

'a dell.'

'angela, what kind of monitor is on your chest?'

'it's a heart monitor.'

'why are you hooked up to a heart monitor?'

'my cardiologist made me.'

'why?'

'he wants to monitor my heart beat for 24 hours'.

'why?'

'to pay off his bmw.'

'no really, why?'

'because there's been some heart issues in the family and he wants to see if i'm going to die.'

'and?'

'so far i'm not dead.'

'great. you'll let me know if you do.'

'sure.'

'that's good. how's your job?'

'unfortunate.'

'that's not good.'

'yeah, but it's typical so not really worth noting.'

'anything going on that is worth noting?'

'i had a super awesome filet the other night with lumps of lobster meat on top!'

'fascinating.'

'you'd think so if you had one.'

'i'm pretty sure i wouldn't as i'm a vegatarian.'

'er, oh yeah. i keep forgetting that.'

'you forget a lot of things.'

'i blame my faulty heart.'

'you're ridiculous.'

'i heart you too.'

'how many times can you fit the word 'heart' into this session?'

'i don't know, but i'll give it my heartfelt effort.'

'i'm going to groan.'

'a hearty groan or more of a sigh?'

'angela?'

'yes?'

'please stop.'

'i heartily agree!'