me vs. therapy

'so angela, how is the new year treating you?'

'i haven't been arrested yet.'

'all-in-all not a bad way to start it out then.'

'that's what i thought.'

'did you make any resolutions?'

'yeah.'

'well?'

'i'm going to save for new boobs because mine are going to deflate here in a few years.'

'oh that's right you have implants. they fail?'

'i guess eventually. the surgeon was kind of vague on that point and i didn't press him since i didn't really want to talk myself out of getting them.'

'you're not much for practical.'

'that's for sure. you know what?'

'what?'

'chics just don't seem to be impressed with my boobs.'

'maybe that's because they come equipped with their very own.'

'maybe. but just once in a while i'd like a compliment.'

'i'm pretty sure boob aesthetics is something most women aren't concerned with. besides, from what i remember you told me that you acquired them for you, not for anyone else's opinion.'

'yeah i did. but a lot of people also acquire clothes for themselves too. that doesn't mean they wouldn't like to hear a compliment about their burnt sienna sweater vest.'

'you took color theory in college.'

'aced it.'

'uh-huh. well, don't hold your breath on the breasts. what else is new?'

'i've met a lot of donkeys on that online dating site you told me to avoid.'

'hmm. great. how's that going?'

'it's interesting actually. they all want to be friends.'

'before or after they meet you?'

'what's that supposed to mean?'

'nothing. it was just a question.'

'liar. your left eyebrow goes up when you say nothing and are lying about it.'

'i think you're making that up.'

'oh no. i'm not. you're trying to make me think i'm not as smart as i really am. that's why you wear those glasses too.'

'yes angela. i don't wear them to see clearly i wear them to convince you you're not as smart as me.'

'your left eyebrow is still up.'

'i think this year we need to concentrate on having you concentrate during conversations.'

'you don't think i do?'

'angela i'm quite sure no one thinks you do.'

'oh. maybe that's why women don't want to date me.'

'or maybe it's because you call them donkeys. either that or they're afraid your boobs are going to explode.'

'that's not funny.'

'no one wants to be awash in saline.'

'you're hilarious.'

'i took improv at my university.'

'congratulations. what do i need to do to concentrate on the conversation.'

'your first step is going to be listening.'

Stare.

'very good.'

Stare.

'ok, the staring is a little scary. practice blinking once in awhile and we'll talk about how you did when we reconvene.'

Nod.

'blink angela.'

Blink.